Abolish rape culture — what it is, why it persists, and what must change
What is rape culture — and how do we end it?
Abolish Rape Culture
"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."
What concrete steps would actually abolish rape culture?
11 demands that would change everything
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Classify all sexual violence as domestic terrorism
Recognize and prosecute all sexual violence as domestic terrorism in the United States and the world.
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Abolish statutes of limitations
Advocate for the immediate abolition of statutes of limitations for sexual assault in every state. This will enable survivors to report whenever they feel ready to, without the burden of time constraints.
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Retroactive application
Ensure that new laws apply retroactively, giving survivors the opportunity to seek justice for past offenses. This will bring closure to many who have silently endured their trauma for years.
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Mandatory FBI comprehensive full-scope polygraph
Require mandatory FBI full-scope polygraph for accused sex offenders. The FBI uses Sodium pentothal, a truth serum that can improve the accuracy of testimonies and help establish the truth.
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Sensitivity and awareness training for law enforcement
Implement comprehensive sensitivity and awareness training for all police officers, not just those in specialized sex crime units. This will equip law enforcement with the knowledge and empathy necessary to handle sexual assault cases with utmost care.
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Education for prevention — starting in kindergarten
Introduce mandatory education programs in schools, starting from kindergarten and continuing throughout a student's academic journey, to foster greater sensitivity, responsibility and respect for femininity and sexuality. Teach boys and young men about consent, healthy relationships, and the importance of respecting personal boundaries.
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Mandatory prison sentences and counseling
Establish a mandatory prison sentence of a minimum of three years for first-time offenders. During their prison stay, require them to attend weekly individual and group sex offender counseling to address the underlying issues contributing to their actions.
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Regulation of pornography
Advocate for the regulation of pornography to promote a more balanced and respectful portrayal of sexuality. Encourage pornography that depicts consensual relationships and emphasizes mutual respect and consent between partners.
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Strengthen support for survivors
Increase support systems for survivors of sexual assault, including counseling, therapy and support groups. Promote initiatives that empower survivors to come forward and report their cases with confidence.
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Warrants to search suspects' devices — 24 hours
Expedite the process of obtaining warrants from judges, on call 24 hours, to search the social media platforms, emails and devices of suspected sex offenders. This will help gather crucial evidence and form a profile of the accused to aid in the investigation.
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Raise awareness and end victim-blaming
Launch comprehensive public awareness campaigns to end victim-blaming and promote a culture of empathy and understanding. Educate society about the importance of supporting survivors and holding perpetrators accountable.
What needs to change in how we think and speak about sexual violence?
Culture change starts with how we think, speak, and respond
How we think
Dismantling the beliefs that normalize sexual violence and protect perpetrators.
How we speak
The language we use either protects survivors or silences them. Words matter.
How to respond — if you're not a cop
How to respond when a family member, friend, student or counseling client discloses assault.
How to respond — if you ARE a cop
Stop calling sensitivity and compassion "woke." A human lacking compassion is not a whole human.
Encourage other countries. Provide a safe haven for women all over the world.
What is gray rape — and is it really rape?
Gray rape is one of the most misunderstood forms of sexual violence
Coined in 2007
Gray rape is rape.
The term "gray rape" describes sexual encounters where consent is not definitively clear. Oftentimes, the confusion is blamed on the use of drugs or alcohol consumption. However, as a therapist, most of the gray rape cases I see were due to a man pressuring his date, girlfriend, or wife to have sex even though she didn't want to. The man might pout, bellow, or fly into a full-on rage until the woman finally acquiesces.
Why do survivors wait years — or decades — to come forward?
"Why is she just coming forward now?" — here's the answer
That makes my head want to explode! That woman that you don't believe, that you think somehow wanted it or deserved it, has probably been frozen in time. Paralyzed from that trauma.
Was she acting or dressing provocatively? Was she a prostitute so she deserved what she got?
She was probably sexualized from a very young age.
That woman that you judge or discount was either molested, sexually harassed, or ogled from a very young age because of rape culture. Because we say, "boys will be boys" or "that's just locker room talk." No. That is objectifying women and girls.
For people who don't understand: imagine someone sexually assaulted you. You are completely traumatized, and you just want to move on. Then he's elected president or something. Now he's flashing in front of your face every time the news comes on. It's wholly triggering — and it can absolutely inspire you to finally come forward now.
You've probably heard... Get over it... It's in the past... It's not that big of a deal... I don't believe you... Nobody will believe you... You're a slut... Probably liked it...
You probably just wanted it in the rearview mirror. You just want to forget about it. Pretend it didn't happen. But subconsciously, you are profoundly affected. You don't trust men. It affects your work or school. You start to feel broken inside and your relationships suffer. You feel like there's something wrong with you. You feel alone and unlovable.
I saw a young woman for depression a long time ago. She had a deep and dark depression that she could not shake. She felt suicidal off and on throughout most of her young life. As my client and I explored more deeply, she mentioned that she was very uncomfortable around her father. When I asked her if he had ever touched her inappropriately, she told me he hadn't. As we spoke further, I discovered that her father was a voyeur.
What does rape culture actually sound like?
The voices of rape culture — every survivor has heard these
You should have known better. No one will believe you. You are making it up to be vindictive. It was your fault, you shouldn't have worn that. You looked sexy. You shouldn't have flirted. You shouldn't have drunk that much. You shouldn't have gone there. You need to let it go. It's in the past. It's not that big a deal, you're overreacting. Your past will be dredged up, and you're no saint either. You will lose your job. Your family will disown you. It's his word against yours so don't bother. That's just locker room talk. Boys will be boys. That was years ago — you should be over that by now. Why do you want to disrupt his whole family and life? You're just a scorned woman. You're a slut, a nymphomaniac, a homewrecker, you're loose. You brought it on yourself. And on and on...
How does advertising reinforce rape culture?
Every commercial designed to "fix" a woman's body is rape culture in action
Every single weight loss and wrinkle commercial, CoolSculpting, blue jeans that lift your ass, hair removal, perfume for your smelly private parts — etc. Every single f*cking commercial designed to improve your body or your look should be geared toward men, no longer featuring women and ways for them to fix their body — or trying to tell them that "there is something so obviously wrong with women's bodies and the way they look." (That was sarcasm in case you missed it.)
Questions survivors and allies are searching for right now
Answered directly — for survivors, allies, and anyone asking
Is gray rape considered real rape?
Yes. Gray rape is rape. When consent is not freely and clearly given — whether because of pressure, coercion, alcohol, or fear — it is rape. A man who pouts, bellows, or rages until a woman acquiesces has committed rape.
Why do survivors wait so long to report sexual assault?
Because rape culture, victim blaming, family silence, fear of not being believed, and a legal system designed to shame survivors make reporting feel impossible. Many survivors are frozen in the trauma for decades. Coming forward is an act of extraordinary courage — not evidence of dishonesty.
What is the statute of limitations for sexual assault?
It varies by state — and in most cases it is far too short. We are demanding the immediate abolition of all statutes of limitations for sexual assault in every state, with retroactive application so no survivor is shut out of justice by an arbitrary deadline.
What should I say to someone who discloses sexual assault?
Believe them. Do not question what they were wearing, where they were, or why they didn't report sooner. Listen. Validate. Ask how you can help. Whether you are a family member, friend, teacher, or counselor — your response in that moment matters enormously.
How does rape culture affect survivors who never reported?
Profoundly. Survivors who never report often struggle with distrust of men, disrupted relationships, problems at work or school, depression, and a deep sense that something is wrong with them. None of that is their fault. All of it is the direct result of rape culture's silence and shame.
What is the #SayHisName® movement?
A movement and documentary series founded to shatter the silence around sexual violence, empower survivors to name their perpetrators, and demand the legal and cultural changes needed to end rape culture for good.
The #SayHisName® movement®
Say his name. Demand change.
Help abolish rape culture.
The #SayHisName® documentary series exists to shatter the silence — and it cannot happen without you. Join the movement, share your story, and help fund the documentary that gives survivors the platform and protection they deserve.